Dear Summer, Bring it.

I used to dread summer. Having children who need, and I mean NEED, structure and routine to thrive meant I was facing the daunting task of figuring out how to best meet those needs for 3 completely different people. When they were young and still prone to frequent meltdowns, sensory overload, significant bouts of stimming, crying, and screaming when those needs were not met, well, let’s just say summer was not my favorite.  By mid-July I often felt completely defeated, found myself praying for school to start, and wondered if I had developed a disorder of my own as I unraveled inside while trying desperately to make my outside match what each of my children needed in each moment of the day. To all of you mommas out there with children on the autism spectrum, children with other disabilities, and children with medical challenges – I am praying for your summers. I pray you never run out of their favorite juice. I pray there are no unexpected changes in the daily schedule. And I pray that at the end of each day your sleep is restorative.

FAST FORWARD.

Today is June 1st. I intended to sleep late, but at 7:30 my body was like,” Hey lady, this is late enough. Get up!” I got up, had my morning Spark and decided I better update the family calendar before the children wake up. Let me pause here to explain the family calendar.

Many years ago when we were early in the autism journey, a full size classroom dry erase board was given to us. Yes, we have the perfect wall for it and yes, I was thrilled to have it. It allowed me to post daily schedules for my structure needing children. It started with magnetic picture cards and then moved into written schedules as they learned to read. As they grew and developed this board morphed into our family calendar. And grocery list. And chore list. And project list. I call it Brain Central (In my head. I bet no one else calls it that or even knows I call it that in my head.). The calendar portion is color coded by person so that everyone can see what everyone else has going on. It was a way to teach perspective to my rigid thinking children. “No honey, I’m not saying no to the pool because I don’t love you. I’m saying no because I have office hours at work, and your brother has speech therapy, and you sister has a doctor appointment, and Dad is out of town until Thursday. See, it’s all here on the calendar. God gave us a big family and that means we sacrifice wants for each other’s needs sometimes.”

Our family calendar carries quite the teaching burden and I love it. It shifts the blame from me to a very objective and impersonal object. This calendar at times was the difference between an “I hate you” meltdown and a defeated, pouty, stomp off to my room and sulk for two hours meltdown. It has helped protect my momma heart many a day, because let’s be real – no momma holds up well under the yelling of “I hate you” or “You don’t love me” or “I wish (insert sibling here) was never born” from one of their children. When our Brain Central comes down one day I think it will deserve a special ceremony of some kind.

Back to today.

I knew I better get the calendar updated before the children got up. All of them are more flexible in their thinking. Their skill sets have grown so much that they now cope pretty well with unexpected changes in plans. HOWEVER, there is no reason to stack the deck against them and waking up in June with no visual representation of the the family plan for the month would undoubtedly result in frustration for one or more of them. No sense in starting the summer with frustration and anxiety because they don’t know what is coming so the calendar is now done.

Guess what. Brain Central taught me something awesome. I no longer dread summer. As I filled up the calendar I realized, that our summer is busy. It is busy not because I spent panicky hours coming up with a plan to keep the kids just busy enough that they don’t regress in their language,social, and academic skills, but because the kids have found their own things, interests, and passions.

Distracto has a summer full of youth group activities, dance, service, and officer responsibilities for the school drill team. The Gaminator has a summer school class to take so he could free up an elective spot in his school schedule and hopefully take art. He is also going on a vacation with my parents and has some robotics and game design classes for fun. The Growler  has summer school to make room for athletics in her schedule next year, volleyball clinics and camps, church camp (which she is going to on her own for the first time!), orchestra camp, and a dance camp. They have each found something they love and they are doing it.

Brain Central also showed me the beautiful slower pace our family will enjoy over the next couple of months. Yes, the days are still busy, but the evenings….the evening are amazingly empty. We will watch shows together, read Harry Potter together, build a pergola and remodel our back deck and patio together, and play games together. Sometimes Perfecto and I will get to say “Y’all be good, we are going our for dinner just the two of us,” because they are now old enough and so totally capable of staying home by themselves for a few hours. The evenings belong to us and I will rejoice in them.

I am not naive. The summer will still feel long. There will still be some meltdowns. The sisters will still yell, and smack, and fight with each other and I will threaten to make them pay me a dollar for every time one of them tells the other to “Square up.” I will most likely have to threaten to take away electronics from one or more of them every day because they either haven’t done their chores, or they are taking their gaming and music WAY to seriously. We will inevitably run out of someone’s favorite food and they will loose their mind over this clear and personal exhibition of our lack of love for them.

But here’s the thing I realized today – I LOVE IT. I love these children. I love the amazing young people they are becoming. I love that the sisters giggle and fight. I love that the boy sasses them both and has a sense of humor that leaves us all surprised and laughing. I love busyness that represents their growth. I love the random dinner dates I will get with Perfecto. I love that this is our normal. And today, today I really love Brain Central for showing me how far we have come.

So hey Summer, bring it. You don’t scare me anymore.